An animation I created in the original Instapunk.com
I have a purpose that has been consistent throughout my adult life, which began sooner than it does for most. I’ve said elsewhere, and I’ll repeat it here, t sat in my parents’s small library and told them as a first grader that I wss going to be a writer or ax racecar driver.
Since then I have had plenty of high speed automotive experience, but writing won the day. I have had extraordinary victories and appalling defeats. I’ve been on top of the world and very near the bottom of it. I am extremely confident that I am an important writer and don’t require the external approval every writer, including me, craves as a source of energy and self-esteem. Decisions I’ve made along the way have led me to the precise spot I now occupy, but many of those decisions were seemingly self-destructive wrong turns that turned out to be amazingly tight ones. I say this not as a tribute to my foresight but an acceptance that other forces were at work. I had exactly the experiences I needed to accomplish what I have and to acquire the perspective I presently hold.
Am I claiming to be a child of destiny, a messianic light of the world? No. What I am claiming is that to a large extent, my life has been arranged, even orchestrated to put me in certain places and situations that set me apart from others and freed me to become a uniquely different creative talent from the talented mediocrity I might easily have become instead. For this reason, I know that I am in debt to my well earned failures as much as I am to my strengths of mind and character. I have many favorite Stones songs, but here’s one that I have a particular connection to.
I’m no savior, but I do believe I am a tool of Providence. Why? Because Providence has played a big role in my life in ways I can claim no credit for but have learned valuable lessons from. I’m not interested in undoing the past or exacting retribution from those who have obstructed me, opposed me, ignored me, betrayed me, or caused me my pain. I played a part in all those outcomes myself, often it turns out, for the best.
I have referenced this philosophical view of past setbacks in Instapunk posts already on record. They don’t tell the whole story but they hint at it.
These are very far from the whole story, of course, and I have a draft of Part 3 long in progress at Instapunk Returns. Just hasn’t been a priority to finish yet.
Thing is, I can give you multiple examples of specific turning points in my life I wouldn’t have experienced without seemingly accidental coincidences, many of which were precipitated by my own screwups. I’ve written more about it, but there’s more to be done, so this post will have to serve as a teaser and a promise…
Enjoy your weekend.
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